This was taken from my family blog....wanted to post it here for memories!
Last year when we went to get Adiah from China I "knew" we were done. The road to Adiah was a joyous one but a long and difficult one as well. I was a mommy to 4 children whom I loved and they kept me busy!!! So as far as I was concerned our family was complete. This past summer we moved to Midlothian and life got super busy with gymnastics 4 nights a week, sports, horse lessons, Brian's promotion which was good but more work, and a toddler! Actually life was so busy that is was hard to hear the Lord at all sometimes. So we made decisions. I know not all families can make these decisions but we knew that we couldn't go on living the rest of our lives at that pace. So we slowed down. We cut activities out. We reevaluated. And we began hearing again. And it was GOOD! And still is! So late fall I began dreaming again with the Lord. Really about where he wanted us. Where did he want us to "go". And he began revealing! One night in December I had a dream. I dreamed I was running a marathon through Disney World. And it was easy. I was running very smoothly and wasn't getting winded at all. Along the way I see a beauty shop and decided to hop off the path for a minute and get my hair cut. Well, when I walked in, the lady said "Oh, good. You're here. I need you to cut hair for me." I said "But I can't...I don't know how to do that. Maybe if I cut straight across but I can't do new styles". And then she said "Don't worry. You'll figure it out." So I started cutting new hairstyles for ladies. Then I decided I needed to get back to the marathon so I hop out and start running again. In the distance I see Brian holding a baby. I only see the back of the baby's head so in my mind I think Brian is holding Adiah. As I get closer Brian turns around and I see an Asian baby with a cleft lip. And I knew it wasn't Adiah. I finish the race. So I wake up from that dream sort of laughing. I told Brian about it and he laughed too. I even said that day..."Oh dear. If God wants us to adopt again he is going to have to give me the desire because I don't want to adopt again." And really neither did Brian. Or let me just say...it wasn't on our radar. So days go by and I realize that I've been thinking an awful lot about that dream and it scared me. It scared me because I was growing happy about it. I brought it before the Lord and asked him why? Why was I still thinking about it? Could he please take away this "stirring" because I was scared. But the stirring didn't go away. It got bigger. And I was afraid to tell Brian. I just didn't want him to feel burdened. So I kept praying and waiting. Some days when my hands were completely full I would say to myself "NO WAY!!" And then other days when I would sit and be quiet and listen...I would cry. Because I felt selfish for not wanting to start this again. I listed out all of these thing to the Lord that I wanted for my life. I felt guilty for that too. So one day I was blow-drying my hair in the mirror and I was talking out loud to God. I said (again)..."God, I just don't think I have it in me". And all of a sudden I had this peace about me. And I heard in my heart..."No you don't. But I do. And I give you what you need." I sat down and cried. And repented. That afternoon I was laying on the floor of my room asking Him again about it(because honestly sometimes it takes me 59 times for me to hear HIM!!) and again I heard "Not only do I want you to give me THIS decision. I want you to give me the direction of your life too". Because you know, I wasn't letting Him have it. And it felt awful. That night I was laying in bed and Brian was laying next to me. He was quiet. So I started to drift off to sleep and then I REMEMBERED! I remembered something that happened just a few weeks before we left to get Adiah last year. Another dream. In that dream I was pregnant and was in the dr's office getting a sonogram. The sonogram person had to leave the room so she asked me to hold the wand on my belly. After she left I moved the wand around so I could see my baby. As I moved the wand to the other side of my stomach there it was. Another baby. I was the one who discovered that baby. I remember telling Brian that dream last year and we both laughed. Not that night though. When I remembered the dream I began to sob. I woke up Brian and told him everything. And what did Brian say? "I'm not scared, Amy. If this is from the Lord he will keep confirming and he will provide the way. I'm not scared." So we continued to pray and wait and He kept confirming. So we filled out our application on line and not only has he taken away the fear. He has replaced it with joy and excitement!! I don't have alot of answers. I don't know how we will do alot of things. But I know who does! Bottom line is this. I took my eyes off myself for a bit and looked at the One who holds not only my life but the WORLD in his hands. One more child gets to know the love of a mommy and daddy. The love of a brother and sisters. And most importantly they get to experience and KNOW the love of the Father through those people. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I'm crying tears of joy even now! Oh, and by the way....we're asking for a boy!
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The Rhett-ster
15 years ago
